i hate the english language because it is not my mother tongue. you have no idea how much i would like to write in finnish only because i cannot express my thoughts or write properly with a foreign language. this is not my heart, this is not my home. i am thinking of abandoning english for good & concentrating only on writing primarily in finnish. i don’t care if you cannot understand. i don’t want to be understood, i want to be able to express myself wholly; not with these stillborn sentences.
yes you are right, i am not well. i am feeling mentally diseased yet inspired, rotten yet fertile. leon is on television tonight & i am going to watch it because [shame!] i haven’t seen it ever. business as usual: hating myself [mainly this body] | wanting to verbally vomit over all that is considered good and proper.








