decompose:(via drugsandsex)

semicolonlove:

Andrew Solomon

(from a lj post yesterday);

i was posting twitter about this yesterday and want to write about it here now, the subject being: why i love anime | personal histories and faraway lands

i. when i was six years old i got my first pencil case. it wasn’t a really expensive one but for me it was magical. it had pictures of kitties and stars and a girl and a unicorn, drawn in a way which was very unfamiliar to me. i used to look at it and wish i could hop into that reality where the doe eyed girl with her kitty friends lived. something about it was so fascinating, i didn’t really understand what but whenever i was down i would imagine myself living in that landscape.

ii. when i was eight years old my dad visited japan. when he returned home and brought me clothes and toys ( the year was 1990 ) and a flower which moved to the beat of music i was convinced there was a heaven on earth. that faraway land dad had visited. i flipped through the photo album endlessly, pictures of plastic food, geishas, temples, cranes, cherry blossom trees, smiling statues and neon signs. for me everything in the photos seemed like heaven. pure heaven. nothing more, nothing less. something so different from the cold north i lived in. something magical, something surreal. dragons and colors and people everywhere. i showed the photos to my classmates but they didn’t get them the same way and i decided that some day i would visit that land of magic.

iii. years went by and i grew up. some years ago i couldn’t sleep properly. i stayed up late and watched late night television, changed channels. then something caught my eye. something so strange yet familiar. i watched, i cried, i watched the series the following day and the day after that until i had watched it all. that series was neon genesis evangelion.

iv. almost two years ago i met this boy who brought all this into my life. all this i had been curious about and about which i didn’t know anything. t. was into anime | manga & when i say “into” i mean that he lived and breathed it. our relationship ended but the endless hours he explained me terms and watched series’ with me stayed, made me believe that there was something which helped me, which hit my brain like fiery rain and which made me laugh, made me giggle, made me cry, made me feel. a n i m e. not this reality. not war films i used to watch but my childhood mental landscape.

v. on a lighter note. i am a newbie in the anime fandom (my previous real fandom was harry potter) and i am kinda old—-ish but i don’t mind it anymore. i am learning more every day & have gained so amazing friends from this wide wide fandom. i’ve been welcomed with open arms & hearts and fuck yeah i am thankful for that. i just wanted to share my personal history because i hadn’t told it from this perspective of fascinations and random incidents. i didn’t grow surrounded by anime series or manga or japanese culture and long before the days of internet i just had this dream reality in my mind. and wells yeah, now it is here. pastime, hobby, obsession, therapy, fun, sexy, fictional, true.

/WHAT HIATUS? I DON’T EVEN…

ps. thank you all for the feel better soon messages! am actually feeling better already but need to concentrate on so many things that my posting here may be more sporadic than regular.

am feeling like crap, will probably need to take a little break from tumblr. i am constantly multitasking when online & all i really want to do is to watch utena & try to cheer myself up. meaning i may not post for a while or will post. makes no sense but life rarely does. other ways to contact me in the meantime. (emails | twitter | lj friends appreciated muchly). peace.