chastity

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Sat, 28 Nov 2009 20:02:09 +0200

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Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:32:59 +0200

too much of everything, visuals after visuals. my mind gets numb & my inspiration dies. am i...

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 18:46:55 +0200

too much of everything, visuals after visuals. my mind gets numb & my inspiration dies. am i following too many people? am i just getting bored with everything? i am tired & still hibernating and need to sort this tumblr thing out because i have temporarily lost the ability to really feel.it is just sweet pollution, everything, and i let it flow. life can’t be found here but interaction can and therefore i am not going anywhere. maybe changing my layout will fix everything.

am listening to belle & sebastian, soothing melodies and memories of yesteryears. i really don’t have anything reasonable to say. i am okay, though, in this slow motion melancholy state where everything is a bit blurred on the corners.

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction...

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:11:38 +0200

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

An you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

basterds: (via lovekarelle)

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:10:06 +0200

basterds:

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basterds:(via mauvaisesnuits)

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:09:35 +0200

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Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:06:04 +0200

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Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:05:48 +0200

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Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:04:34 +0200

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Sat, 28 Nov 2009 17:02:51 +0200

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Photo

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:35:54 +0200

neon genesis evangelion | wiki

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:34:46 +0200

neon genesis evangelion | wiki

i'm thankful for my penis

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:28:02 +0200

decompose:(via drugsandsex)

decompose:satanlovesyou:teatime-with-nikki:(via...

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:26:29 +0200

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dirty tea cups, peach & mango tea, coffee & chain...

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:25:08 +0200

dirty tea cups, peach & mango tea, coffee & chain smoking. i feel curiously calm & at peace. no hysteria, no repulsion. my hypothalamus is giving me a needed break and i just am going to continue with utena and appreciate solitary hibernating. ps. you should read my post about my personal history regarding anime & japanese culture; my obsessions maybe make more sense after that.

I HATED BEING DEPRESSED, BUT IT WAS ALSO IN DEPRESSION THAT I LEARNED MY OWN ACREAGE, THE FULL EXTENT OF MY SOUL.

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:09:33 +0200

semicolonlove:

Andrew Solomon

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Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:08:48 +0200

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aristocrat: thelandscape:

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 15:08:27 +0200

aristocrat:

thelandscape:

❝unswimmable waters❞

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 13:30:00 +0200

(from a lj post yesterday);

i was posting twitter about this yesterday and want to write about it here now, the subject being: why i love anime | personal histories and faraway lands

i. when i was six years old i got my first pencil case. it wasn’t a really expensive one but for me it was magical. it had pictures of kitties and stars and a girl and a unicorn, drawn in a way which was very unfamiliar to me. i used to look at it and wish i could hop into that reality where the doe eyed girl with her kitty friends lived. something about it was so fascinating, i didn’t really understand what but whenever i was down i would imagine myself living in that landscape.

ii. when i was eight years old my dad visited japan. when he returned home and brought me clothes and toys ( the year was 1990 ) and a flower which moved to the beat of music i was convinced there was a heaven on earth. that faraway land dad had visited. i flipped through the photo album endlessly, pictures of plastic food, geishas, temples, cranes, cherry blossom trees, smiling statues and neon signs. for me everything in the photos seemed like heaven. pure heaven. nothing more, nothing less. something so different from the cold north i lived in. something magical, something surreal. dragons and colors and people everywhere. i showed the photos to my classmates but they didn’t get them the same way and i decided that some day i would visit that land of magic.

iii. years went by and i grew up. some years ago i couldn’t sleep properly. i stayed up late and watched late night television, changed channels. then something caught my eye. something so strange yet familiar. i watched, i cried, i watched the series the following day and the day after that until i had watched it all. that series was neon genesis evangelion.

iv. almost two years ago i met this boy who brought all this into my life. all this i had been curious about and about which i didn’t know anything. t. was into anime | manga & when i say “into” i mean that he lived and breathed it. our relationship ended but the endless hours he explained me terms and watched series’ with me stayed, made me believe that there was something which helped me, which hit my brain like fiery rain and which made me laugh, made me giggle, made me cry, made me feel. a n i m e. not this reality. not war films i used to watch but my childhood mental landscape.

v. on a lighter note. i am a newbie in the anime fandom (my previous real fandom was harry potter) and i am kinda old—-ish but i don’t mind it anymore. i am learning more every day & have gained so amazing friends from this wide wide fandom. i’ve been welcomed with open arms & hearts and fuck yeah i am thankful for that. i just wanted to share my personal history because i hadn’t told it from this perspective of fascinations and random incidents. i didn’t grow surrounded by anime series or manga or japanese culture and long before the days of internet i just had this dream reality in my mind. and wells yeah, now it is here. pastime, hobby, obsession, therapy, fun, sexy, fictional, true.

/WHAT HIATUS? I DON’T EVEN…

ps. thank you all for the feel better soon messages! am actually feeling better already but need to concentrate on so many things that my posting here may be more sporadic than regular.

❝distance❞

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 17:18:05 +0200

am feeling like crap, will probably need to take a little break from tumblr. i am constantly multitasking when online & all i really want to do is to watch utena & try to cheer myself up. meaning i may not post for a while or will post. makes no sense but life rarely does. other ways to contact me in the meantime. (emails | twitter | lj friends appreciated muchly). peace.